Father to Son: A Time to Talk
by TwilightGuru09
Summary: Carlisle is the father to all of the boys in the Cullen household and at some point has to sit them down and have 'the talk' with them. So just before each boy's first wedding he invites them into his office to give the talk. It's what a dad does, right?
1. Gross and Green

_**Father to Son - Time to Talk**_

_**Carlisle is the father to all of the boys in the Cullen household and at some point has to sit them down and have 'the talk' with them. So just before each boy's first wedding he invites them into his office to give the sex talk. This what a Dad does, right? Canon pairing discussed. **_

**Gross and Green**

Edward POV

"Edward son, I want to talk with you," said Carlisle when I walked into the living room back from my overnight stay with my fiancé, Bella.

"W…What about dad?" I inquired a little anxious at his request.

_**Something had me nervous; Carlisle was blocking his thoughts from me so I couldn't read his mind to see what he was thinking. He couldn't possibly be upset about my staying over with Bella, could he? I have assured him that I am behaving as a proper gentleman should.**_

"Perhaps this would be better if we discussed this in my study," he suggested casually.

_**Oh, oh, what did I do now? I couldn't think of anything I had done to be called into his study. Carlisle rarely called one of us into his study unless he was about to be seriously reprimanded or worse. Besides I have been so busy since Bella accepted my proposal, that I haven't had any time to get into trouble.**_

I asked him hesitantly, "Is there something wrong? You are blocking your thoughts from me and I don't understand why."

"Edward, I am blocking my thoughts from you because I want to be the one in control of this conversation and not my son who can hear my every thought," he smiled.

_**So why was I still so nervous? **_

"Yes, Dad," I replied.

"No need to be so apprehensive my boy, we are just going to talk about things," Carlisle assured.

So we went into his study and had a seat. He sat behind hid desk and I took the chair opposite him. "So what do you want to talk about, Dad?" I asked.

"Well son, I understand that you have everything planned and ready for your upcoming nuptials," He begin slowly. I had no idea where he was going with this. "But I wanted to talk to you about your plans….. for your honeymoon…"

"Whoa, Dad you are seriously NOT about to give me 'the talk,' are you? I mean, come on, I am close to 100 years old now. There is a lot of information I don't know but that is not one of them!" I exclaimed filled with chagrin.

"Edward, calm down. There is no one here but us. Everyone is either out hunting or shopping. So we can talk freely and openly about whatever you feel the need to discuss."

"Dad, I assure you, I have nothing I want to discuss at the moment. I…"

"Have never made love to a female before, human or vampire. And yes son, you are nearly a hundred years old but you entered this life as a 17 year old and a virgin at that. So don't tell me you know everything you need to know and I hope to God you are not sitting there with information you have received from your brothers."

_**He smiled as he spoke and I visibly flinched at his assumption. They had decided to give me some advice and it entailed Emmett holding me down while he and Jasper regaled me with images of some of their most interesting feats of intimate actions with their wives. Then Emmett chortled, "That should give you some ideas of what to do with Bella on your honeymoon!" After that, they ran off before I could seek revenge.**_

"Yeah Dad. They kind of gave me something, but I wasn't taking them seriously," I explained sheepishly.

"Edward, do you know what you plan to do; or do you just plan on winging it with your new wife, who happens to be a human, a virgin herself and your La Tua Cantate….. your singer?"

He paused to let me think about that. Then he spoke again, "She's in your hands at that moment; you two are alone and her life is yours to take or to save, with no one else around - and you plan on winging it?" he rephrased his former observation.

_**Each time he spoke, I began to become more and more apprehensive. Was my father trying to talk me out of my honeymoon? I spend a lot of time trying to curtail Bella's overactive hormones and it appears that my dad was concerned about my own. Considering the points he made, I can't I blame him, however. I am 17 technically and I have never been intimate with a woman. My fiancé has a serious drive that I have been holding off since we got together. My desire for her is no less than hers but I tend to hold back due to my vampire strength and it is probably what has saved us both up to now. And to top it all off, Bella's blood is the sweetest, most inviting aroma I have ever encountered in my 90 odd years, thus designating her as my 'singer' because her bloods sings to or calls for me to consume it. So I guess I had better listen to my father and take this conversation seriously as painful as it is about to be.**_

"Okay Dad." I acquiesced, "What do you want to talk about?"

He spoke quietly and reverently then, "I thought I might tell you of how much care I had to take with Esme on our wedding night…"

I interrupted him immediately, "NO! No, no, no, no, no, no, Dad, PLEASE! You are not about to tell me about you and Mom's lovemaking techniques! I don't think I can handle that."

"I am still your father and you know your mother and I are very active in our…ah… intimacies."

"T. M. I. Dad! I know, but I don't really want to know, if you know what I mean?" I furrowed my brows and watched my own embarrassed features as they appeared in Carlisle's mind.

Carlisle chuckled, "I honestly don't understand you boys sometimes. I am actually starting to believe you are going to be more difficult than Emmett."

"Carlisle, why would you discuss Bella and my relationship with Emmett?" I asked definitely confused by this turn of conversation.

"No son, you misunderstand me. I am referring to a time when I had to have 'the talk' with your brothers, also. Although Jasper was with Alice already, I have conversed with them both on this subject before their first weddings also. "

"Whatever you could have said to both of them that they found helpful, does not even come close to mine and Bella's situation," I responded dejectedly.

_**I am nervous enough as it is, but to have to admit it in front of my father like this was beyond humiliation. As a learned and composed doctor and a coven leader as he is, Carlisle is still, in all manners that are important, my father. I wanted to fall through the floor. He began his list of suggestions to help me get through this with Bella's safety in mind. **_

_**I couldn't help thinking that this was all her fault since she is the one who was insisting on having this honeymoon while she was still human. Her rationale was that this is the one human experience she wanted before she was to be turned into a vampire like us. I tried to explain that technically this could not even be considered a human experience since she would be making love to a vampire, but if you knew Bella; you knew she would not be deterred from what she wanted. And I was notorious for giving my Bella whatever she wanted within reason.**_

"You will hunt several times before the wedding and every two or three days while you are on the island," my dad instructed.

"Yes sir," I answered more than compliant with these demands. I bet he didn't have to give those rules to my brothers I thought to myself.

"Edward, are you listening to me?" he asked as he noticed my faraway look.

"Yes, I am listening. Hunt often. I get that," I repeated.

"Now, have you considered how you will react to the breaking of her hymen? There will be some blood involved and I am wondering if perhaps someone should maybe be there the first time to make sure things don't get out of hand. Perhaps me or your mother or…"

"GOD! NO! Dad you are talking about my honeymoon. I don't want an audience especially my mother or my father in the next room while I do my wife for the first time," I exclaimed nearly shrieking in spite of myself.

"Perhaps one of your siblings, then; I recommend Jasper. With his abilities…"

"Carlisle could you stop and listen to yourself? Hello, honeymoon. Bella and I. First time. Hymen breaking, blood. Jasper. So not a good idea," I ticked off reasons hoping he would catch on quickly.

"Yes, I see what you mean. Perhaps that is not the best idea after all. Let me think for a minute."

_**I took an unnecessary breath to calm myself as he agreed with me.**_

"Let's get back to the actual act itself. If you would, may I suggest that you enter her slowly, allowing time for her body to adjust to yours. Once you are in all the way, perhaps you should think about holding your breath until your control is in check. Remember you will be highly aroused and so excited you can easily loose control. You don't want to go too fast or too hard considering your strength…"

"Oh God! Oh God! Carlisle, please stop. Dad, no, please can we not talk about this? Please Dad, please," I begged anxiously and piteously.

"I'm sorry son but you need to know these things. I am speaking to you as a doctor and as your father. I am trying to make sure things go the best way possible for the both of you."

"Carlisle, can we just stop now," I whined.

_**Yes, I whined like a tortured schoolboy. My dad was talking to me about having sex with my future wife. This was worse than anything my brothers could do to me. It really was kinda 'gross' as the teenagers of today would say.**_

"It's okay Dad. I think I get the message. How about we table this for now; while I go hunt? I think I need to run for a while."

"You do that son; we've got time to discuss this further," he remarked.

_**I was out the door and into the forest in a flash. I ran past Emmett and Jasper on their way back from hunting without even acknowledging them. I heard Emmett thoughts as he remarked that I looked green. Can vampires turn green? Jasper honed in on my feelings of humiliation and embarrassment and continued on to the house wondering what had happened to make me feel those emotions.**_

_**I hope Dad keeps our conversation to himself. I just had to run at full speed for a couple of hours to clear my head. Thank God Bella did not have to endure this conversation. I can only imagine how many shades of red she would become.**_

A/N: This was originally intended to be a one shot but I think I am going to show Carlisle's talk with all three boys. I can already see Emmett's reaction, probably much the same as Edward's. Jasper's I am not so sure what to do about. Suggestions accepted. Please read and review.


	2. Brother To Brother

Disclaimer: Once again, I must reemphasize that I am not S.M. and none of these characters belong to me. I'm just filling in the blanks folks.

**Brother - to - Brother**

**Jasper POV**

"Maybe we'd better go get our little brother before he runs to the North Pole," Emmett grinned as we sat in the living room waiting for him to return.

_**Carlisle admitted to being a little worried because his 'talk' with his youngest son may not have gone as well as expected. He seemed to think that the apparent encouragement he tried to give his son turned out to be an experience in teenage angst and humiliation that neither of them had expected. This is another fine example of the obvious indication that we can still be perpetual teens no matter what our actual physical ages are.**_

"Do you think he is scarred for life? I hope Carlisle wasn't too informative or restrictive," I added laughing and remembering my 'talk' with our dad.

"Yeah, let's go rescue Little Bro before Bella kills off the entire coven for freaking out her little prude of a future husband," Emmett laughed.

"Ease off, Emmett," I said, "this is gonna be hard enough for the both of them."

"Yeah, you're right Jasper. Let's bring the youngest into the fold of knowledge so he can calm down before our wives return."

"What do you mean by that, Emmett?" I asked lifting a curious brow at his developing scheme.

"I say we give him the low down on our daddy time, so he can see it's all good; that we both had to hear the same things before our wedding," he replied.

"I'm not so sure about that, but let's give it a try. How far do you think we will have to go to fetch him?" I wondered aloud.

"I don't know. Didn't pops give you the "talk" at least once?" Emmett asked me as we rose to leave.

"Yep and I'll never forget it as long as I live. It was equivalent to one of the most embarrassing moments of my 160 years. Emmett, I literally got sick, man. Imagine, a vampire, sick to his stomach," I shook my head at the memory.

"Whoa, what did pops say to you?" Emmett asked me curious beyond belief.

"Yeah Jazz, what did Dad say to you?"

_**We both turned to see Edward had returned looking a little less green but still feeling a bit disconcerted from his conversation with Carlisle. **_

"Looks like we have ourselves a little brother-to-brother bonding time," declared Emmett. "Have a seat Little Bro and let us tell you a tale of our own pre-wedding talk woes. First, I will relinquish the floor to our current Southern gentleman. Then I shall regale you with the horrors of my own 'talk with the Pops' moment I had to suffer through."

"Leave it to you Emmett. Once again, you take a perfectly normal moment and turn it into some kind of a contest," Edward laughed. "What is it this time? Whose talk was the worse or who Carlisle disturbed the most?"

"It doesn't matter, because I will win, anyway," he quipped already laughing at his own moment.

_**Nothing fazed this brother of ours. Everything was a competition with him which explained why most of the time we were in trouble due to of one of his schemes. This however, was a legitimate reason to share and it looks like Eddie could use it. So I agreed to share the story of my 'talk with Dad' with my brothers.**_

" I have to preface this with the knowledge that unbeknownst to me, my little Pixie approached our father and informed him that she wanted to be treated the same as any of his children, son or daughter, in reference to our upcoming wedding," I started out.

"Yep, that's our Alice alright. Always letting people know what they should be doing," piped in Emmett snickering at the setup I was sharing.

"So therefore," I continued eyeballing Emmett to make him curtail his behavior, "it is only fair she said to him that Carlisle have a talk with me before our wedding as he had done with Emmett and would be sure to do with Edward. So as you can see, the little darling set me up," I laughed. "And you know Carlisle will not deny his baby girl anything. So he decided to make it interesting or challenging so that I could prove myself to them both."

Whew-hoo! blurted Emmett, this is gonna be better than I thought! I think we better all get comfortable for this. Sounds like it is gonna be fun!"

We sat down in the living room as I began my story of what was said to me before I married Alice once we decided to live with the Cullen's permanently.

**A/N: I know, I know this is kind of short but I just got back from camping this weekend and I wanted to put something out there before I completely lose my momentum.**

**Please review and I will send the next chapter when I reorient myself to civilization. **


	3. Stomachache and Southern Pride

_A/N: This is merely my interpretation of what must have happened before the characters wedding day. The characters still belong to Stephanie, I'm just borrowing them. _

_Also some words may be spelled phonetically to emphasize the southern accent I was going for in Jasper's speech. Any other misspellings may be just a mistake._

**Stomach aches and Southern Pride**

**Jasper POV**

"_So therefore," I continued eyeballing Emmett to make him curtail his behavior, "it is only fair she said to him that Carlisle have a talk with me before our wedding as he had done with Emmett and would be sure to do with Edward. So as you can see, the little darling set me up," I laughed. "And you know Carlisle will not deny his baby girl anything. So he decided to make it interesting or challenging so that I could prove myself to them both." _

"_Whew-hoo!" blurted Emmett. "This is gonna be better than I thought! I think we better all get comfortable for this. Sounds like it is gonna be fun!"_

_**We sat down in the living room as I began my story of what was said to me before I married Alice once we decided to live with the Cullen's permanently. **_

~*~

"Jasper, son, we're so happy to welcome you into our family. I'm sure Alice has told you how much we appreciate the two of you joining us. I hope you know you're like a son to Esme and me, and of course Alice is our baby girl and everyone is happy with it that way."

"Yes, suh, I'm especially grateful to ya and mom for takin' us in an' treatin' us so kindly, suh," I admitted. "I'm happy to be here 'cause Alice is literally living her dream or her vision."

"And speaking of dreams, our little Alice has planned a wonderful affair in this wedding production she has designed, how do you feel about all this?" Carlisle asked.

"Suh, I'm of a mind ta give my Alice whatever her little heart desires. I'd do anything for her. I hope you know that," I stressed.

_**All of a sudden I could feel a wave of challenge coming from Carlisle. Did he think I was not being straightforward? What was he bracing himself for?**_

"Jasper, I have to ask you something and I hope you understand that even though I did not personally sire Alice myself, I still feel as if she has always been mine. Therefore it is on the note of a concerned father that I must ask you this."

"Certainly, suh, anything you need, please let me know and I'd be more than happy to oblige."

_**Carlisle seemed to be searching for the right words to voice his concern. I waited for him to speak again. **_

"No, I don't need a favor; I need you to tell me something. It may be of a personal nature but I assure you that I mean no insult or accusation," he continued choosing his words carefully.

_**I could feel the trepidation in his emotions but I could not tell what was causing him to be so cautious as he spoke.**_

"What would you like to know, suh?" I asked him curiously.

"Jasper, I hope you were a proper gentleman before you were intimate with my daughter," he spoke bluntly at this point seemingly tired of walking on eggshells.

"Huh… I mean, pardon me sir, are you asking…" I stammered.

"I'm asking you if you treated my daughter with the proper respect by marrying her before you decided to have sexual relations with her?" he asked. "It's a simple question."

"Suh, I assure you, I've conducted myself in a manner befitting a southern gentleman with full courtesy and honor. She has always said we would be living here with this family, so I knew there was a father figure I would eventually have to deal with, and even so, I respect Alice and treasure her with all my heart so I DID NOT DEFLOWER HER WITHOUT FOLLOWING THE PROPER CHANNELS FIRST."

"Alright, son, calm down. Try to get a grip on those emotions," Carlisle explained. "You know when you get upset everyone around you starts to feel the same way and right now I would like to avoid any confrontations concerning the sexual history between the two of you."

"Carlisle, uh, dad, why are we discussing this now? Don't you think things may be a little out of order since Ali and I are already married? We've probably done most anything you may want to talk about," I said as this conversation got more and more uncomfortable.

Carlisle began speaking slowly and deliberately, "When Esme and I were first married, we had to overcome some obstacles in our own intimate activities due to the fact…"

_**At that point I stopped listening to what he was saying. My eyes glazed over and I became physically ill. He was about to tell me about his intimate moments with Esme and I was actually starting to feel the angst and fears they apparently were feeling on their own wedding night.**_

"Jasper," Carlisle exclaimed, "are you sick?"

"No, suh, why do you ask?" I asked wincing as he went through another bout of anxiety remembering his first time woes.

"Because whatever the feelings you're emanating right now are reflecting back on me and I feel sick. So I repeat, are you sick, son?"

_**Carlisle, my adopted father and present coven leader, was trying to talk to me about my sexual relations with my wife, his daughter; and he wanted to know if I was sick. Hell yes! But I could not say that to him and admit to the embarrassment I was feeling.**_

"No, suh, I would just rather not hear the details of any intimate relations you have with the woman I deem my mother, if you don't mind, suh."

"Oh, for goodness sake, I'm just trying to help you understand…"

"Suh, I can assure you that Alice and I get along without a hitch," I said needing this line of conversation to be over before I became physically ill.

"Of that I'm sure about," Carlisle answered, "but I'm talking about your compatibility in a more intimate nature; your sexual compatibility."

"SIR! I…what?"

"Sit, Jasper!"

"Yessir."

_**Once he saw the sickly expression on my face and felt the upwardly mobile hurling of my last feeding, he paused. I assume he realized this was a futile endeavor and decided to take a different tactic.**_

"Okay, I know that you and Alice have already had an intimate relationship with each other in the past. But, I'm asking you as her father to respect my wishes and not participate in any further activities until your wedding day," he explained.

_**The no longer beating heart I carried in my chest once, did a flip and then lodged itself in my throat.**_

Then Carlisle continued, "So when you go on your honeymoon with your lovely bride, my lovely daughter, it will be as if you two are getting together for the first time all over again. It will give you something to look forward to; something to anticipate. Do you understand what I'm saying to you, son?"

"Yes, suh," I answered cautiously, yet unbelievably. "If I understand correctly, you don't want me to _be_ with Alice until after the wedding."

"Yes, Jasper, that is exactly what I'm asking. It's a show of respect and a practice in restraint. Do you think you can handle that?"

"Ah, suh, do you realize you're talking about a week?" I asked growing more and more chagrinned, "An entire, whole week; seven days from now is a very long time to..."

"Yes, Jasper, is that a problem?" my father asked me, as he looked at me dead-on in my rapidly changing eyes. I could feel the challenge in the air. Alice would kill me if I got into it with our dad right before our wedding.

"Ahhh, no, sir, it's not a problem," I answered, hanging my head, "No, sir."

"Now I have to tell you, because you two have such an active relationship so far, that when you get together on your honeymoon after abstaining for an entire week, it is going to be such a very powerful arousal that you need to prepare…"

"Ah, whoa…dad," I interrupted horrified at what he was about to say. "Wait just a minute there and hold on, sir… I can handle…I mean, I…I… I understand…" I stammered insistently.

_**I mean I really didn't know what he was going to say, I was no Edward, but I was pretty darn tootin' it was gonna be about me and my wife having sex and I was not prepared to get advice from my dad at this point.**_

"What I am saying is that the arousal is going to be so powerful and my Alice is so small in frame," Carlisle continued, "I don't want to see anyone get hurt, especially my daughter, if you know what I mean."

_**I actually wretched that time. I mean my stomach actually heaved and my emotional state manifested itself all around me to the point Carlisle felt it again. I started seeing these horrible pictures of my Alice broken and limp because of the ideas my dad was putting into my head. I mean we are all sexually active and we pretty much know our limitations with each other but I begin to see possibilities for disaster based on what my father was saying to me.**_

"Jasper, are you sick again?" he asked rising from his seat concerned. Basically vampires don't usually throw up.

"No, dad, but may I be allowed to step away for a moment? I'm feeling rather stressed, sir," I responded to his concern.

"Okay, son, take a breather," he suggested, "we'll continue this later."

~*~

_**I returned to Carlisle's study after washing my face and calming down from my overactive imagination. I wanted to apologize to him for running out so impolitely. I figured I could endure his worse on a good day. After all I had survived living under the vindictive hand of Maria and was still here to talk about it. So I was prepared for anything when I walked into the study…well, almost anything.**_

"Mom!?! What are you doing here?" I exclaimed, now doubly embarrassed if she was going to be here also.

"Alice sent me," she said as she gave me a reassuring hug; and a glare at Carlisle. "She was afraid your father would turn you into some kind of robot lover because of this talk and she begged me to rescue her passionate Southern gentleman before your dad ruins you. Carlisle, surely you're not badgering the poor boy. Look at him, he looks like he's ready to bolt and I can feel emotions spiking from everything from insult to pure embarrassment. What have you been saying to our child? Baby, are you okay? Has your father been treating you unfairly?"

_**She smiled at me reassuringly as only a mother can in a situation such as this one.**_

"Esme, darling, we are merely discussing some parameters I would like to set to assure a serious commitment between our children before their upcoming nuptials. Isn't that right, son?" he turned the tables on me.

_**What was I going to say to her? Mom, dad won't let me 'do it' with Alice before we get married again. While I think of her as my mom, it is not a subject I intend to broach with her under any circumstances. **_

"Ah, dad," _**whoa did I just say that out loud?**_ _**I guess so since I could feel Carlisle's pride and happiness that in my moment of stress, I would recognize him as a father figure.**_ "Maybe we should talk later when we are not in mixed company," I suggested sheepishly.

"Why, Jasper? Carlisle and I have nothing to hide, dear. We're more than willing to share our experiences with you and Alice so that you may also have a very fulfilling relationship."

"WE DO HAVE A…" I had to catch myself. "I'm sorry. Mom, dad, I am very sure my wife and I have a very satisfying…"

_**I was cut off this time by my mom. Obviously she had just felt my queasiness for this conversation. It's not that I was embarrassed that Alice and I had a sexual relationship; mind you a very good sexual relationship. We NEVER missed a day fulfilling each other's needs. It's just that the idea of sharing this with our parents was indeed a source of queasiness for me. I'm a private person normally. This was way over the top.**_

"Oh…Jasper, baby, are you sick?" asked my mom.

_**She was looking at Carlisle all concerned and what not. Honestly, if Esme had her way Carlisle would be doctoring on us like he does his human patients.**_

"Nah, mom, I just really need to hunt now, please," I begged unabashedly.

_**I wanted out of there now and this was something they would never deny me.**_

"By all means, honey, go! Carlisle, we can finish this later, right?" my mom assured my dad who readily agreed.

_**I was out of there. When Esme looked up all she saw was a smattering of blond curls flying through the window. I headed straight into the forest and did not come back for hours.**_

_A/N: So, what do you think? Read and Review please. Those of you who like the story enough to favor it, please take a moment and review also. It really makes me feel inspired to write. The more reviews I receive, the more I want to write._


	4. Two Sides of A Coin

**Two sides of a Coin**

A/N: What do you say to you father when he assumes one thing to be true and it is entirely wrong? How do you tell him something without getting anyone in trouble or do you just play dumb?

**Emmett's POV**

"What up, Pops!" I asked using my usual casual greeting as he came out of his and Esme's room.

"Yes right," Carlisle answered seemingly unsure as to how to get started, "Son, can we go to my study and talk for a minute?"

"Why? What did I do? I didn't mean it honestly," I figured I better come clean immediately or this was not going to go good for me.

_**Somehow I couldn't lie to Carlisle too well which was why I was having such trouble with what me and Rose was doing behind his back. I mean the vampire was over three hundred years old so when you used the phrase 'going medieval on your butt', Carlisle was actually close enough to that time to have firsthand knowledge of it personally. Let's face it, Pops could be a force to be reckoned with whenever he let himself get riled up and I seem to be just the guy to rile him up on more than one occasion. **_

"If you are talking about those trees I knocked down, I cleaned them up. Rose said, as long as…"

"Whoa son, hold up for a second," Carlisle interrupted. "First of all you are not in trouble. Secondly, what trees did you knock down?"

_**Okay, note to self, never volunteer information beforehand. I couldn't very well admit to my adopted father that I had been engaged in some seriously wild lovemaking with his daughter out in the woods yesterday that led to us knocking down a few trees as we went buck wild in the woods. Rose likes it like that; wild and free and uncontrolled. We were playing her favorite game she likes to call 'Monkey Man', involving trees and us with no clothes. Humph, wouldn't daddy be surprised if he knew what his little girl liked to do? Crap! He just cleared his throat; I'm taking too long to answer again. **_

"Ah, what we talking about Pop?"

"Hmmmm, I think I will table that tree issue for now as I do have something more important to discuss with you at the moment." Carlisle mused thoughtfully, "Please, let's go to the office."

_**There he goes with that office thing again. See that gets me all nervous. Some of the worse 'discussions' about my behavior or my attitude or just my being thoughtless or bullying to Edward have started out with, 'Let's go into my office' which usually ended up with me getting embarrassed or hurt or remorseful or a combination of all of that. Pops didn't play when it came to obeying his rules as far as our family is concerned; and for the most part I tried to stick to them, but it was fun to pick on Eddie on occasion. **_

"You sure I am not in any trouble?" I asked just to be sure. I have to admit that study scares me considering some of the stuff I have been through in there.

"Yes, Emmett," Pop sighed, "For right now you are not in trouble. I just want to talk. We WILL discuss those trees you knocked down later however."

_**I tried hard not to wince in front of him. That would be a dead giveaway as to how bad it was. Rose told me as long as we cleaned up the trees we knocked down it wouldn't be so bad. We tried to make it look like a natural clearing, way out in the woods. We decided never to go back to that spot again. I gotta admit it was fun knocking them down though. Yikes, I was not paying attention again**_**.**

"Okay Pops. Lead the way, I'm your man."

"Come in Emmett and sit down," he continued. "Do you have any idea why I asked you here?"

"Well since I am not in trouble, I haven't the foggiest idea. Usually when you call me in here it's because I have done something stupid or neglectful or stupid and neglectful or crazy or careless or crazy and careless or…"

"Okay Emmett," Carlisle interrupted. "I get it. You tend to make some wrong choices on occasion. But this is about another choice you have made that I want to speak to you about."

"I thought you said I wasn't in any trouble," I answered. "Which choice was this one: stupid, neglectful, crazy or careless?

"Neither," he smiled. "I wanted to talk to you about my daughter and the things you have been doing."

_**Oh crap! Panic! Panic, panic; no don't panic! Breathe, breathe boy. Is he saying something?**_

"Emmett. Emmett." Carlisle snapped his fingers in my face. "Emmett! Are you alright?"

"Ahhhhhh, what things are you talking about, Pops?" I went into full panic mode. I needed to see if he knew what was going on. "Is something wrong with Rosie? Did I do something to hurt her; or upset you? Is she okay?"

"Yes, she's fine, Emmett she's fine," Carlisle assured me. "I wanted to talk to you about your developing bond with my daughter."

"OkayIwannamarryher!" I blurted out.

"Pardon?" Carlisle asked.

"Oh!" Slow down nimrod, I chastised myself. "I want your permission to ask for your daughters hand in marriage." I said more slowly this time.

"Ah, Emmett, we have had this conversation already." Carlisle said quietly, "and besides the wedding is next weekend. Son, I asked you here because I wanted to be sure you are aware of the possible consequences of a perpetual intimate relationship with my daughter following your pending nuptials."

"Huh!" I gaped at him openly. All I understood was 'possible relationship with my daughter'. Then it hit me. "Oh no, don't tell me Rosie's changing her mind and she wants you to tell me."

"Emmett calm down. That's not it at all. Get a hold of yourself. Now, I am not sure of your experience level with sex in the past but my daughter went through some trauma before she was turned and therefore you may need to understand some things before the time arrives."

"What time are you talking about?" I asked tentatively, still not sure where this conversation was headed.

"I am trying to prepare you for what may or may not happen on your wedding night," Carlisle stated. "Rosalie is…"

"Whoa Pops! ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME THE TALK! Nooooooo! I don't need the talk. I already know how to do it. I mean …" I stammered frantically.

_**This was so nowhere near what I thought was going to happen. Not our dad trying to tell me how to do it with my girlfriend on our honeymoon. Hell, we didn't need instructions considering how much practice we were getting on a regular basis, but I was not about to tell her father that. NOT 'Mr. Medieval on your butt.'**_

"Emmett! That's you. And as I am not certain of your past experience as far as sex is concerned, I wanted to talk to you on a personal note, man to man, father to son, you understand I am sure," Carlisle reassured me. "Have you thought about Rosalie's experience and the trauma she has experienced?"

"Well, yeah," I answered him. "That's all I think about. I got this Doc. Me and Rose, we gonna be fine. 'Preciate it, but it's not a big deal…" I tried to brush him off. Don't think he liked that.

"**IT MOST CERTAINLY IS…A BIG DEAL!"** He yelled. _**Carlisle actually yelled at me.**_

"Pop? I'm sorry," I apologized. "I wasn't saying what you are saying is not important."

Carlisle was full of angst as he thought about the last day of Rose's life. "Let me tell you, what Royce did to my baby girl was…"

"POPS! What are you doing?" I asked horrified at how upset he was. "You just crushed that crystal dish in your hand. Is something wrong?"

"No Emmett, forgive me. I guess I still get upset whenever I think about someone doing anything at all to my Rosalie. She has been through enough and I assure you if anything she doesn't like or inappropriate EVER happens where my little girl is concerned, I am not going to be happy about it and neither will that person. I may practice peacefulness but remember I grew up close enough to the Middle Ages where it was anything but peaceful."

"Yeah, sure Pops. I get what you are saying," I countered. "Rosalie must always be happy. Or Big Daddy Cullen takes my balls and puts them in a jar. I get it, Keep Rosie happy at all times."

"Listen, Emmett, I know you have probably indulged in some intimacies like kissing and perhaps even some heavy petting," he continued.

"Pops I…"

"It's okay. I just wonder if you have stopped to take stock of how it affects her when you are doing this."

_**He watched me for a reaction. I tried to show nothing. I wasn't giving away Rose's and my secret. **_

"She told Esme that you are aware of what happened to her. So I assume you know what that animal Royce did to my little girl. I can only assume you also know how she retaliated."

_**Yeah, she told me how she got them back. I said 'Go Rosie.' I just wish I could have been there to get them back myself or at least helped her out. But she dealt with them but good; My little queen of vengeance. **_

" It may seem as if she is over it, but my Rosie is a delicate flower that is precious to behold and even more delicate to handle. You need to keep that in mind as you attempt to become physical with her," Carlisle continued. "Do you understand me? I do not want her traumatized because you try to take her too far, too fast."

_**Traumatized! I bet he would be traumatized if he knew how his delicate flower handled me the first time we made love. We were walking on one of our long walks in the woods. We had been kissing and she let me feel her up so we were both hot and bothered that day. Finally she exclaims "I am tired of waiting for to get the hint" and threw me to the ground right there in the woods. Best sex I ever had. Rosie was wild! I was worn out when she was done after our fifth explosion. I could barely walk after that; my legs were too wobbly but it felt sooooo good.**_

"I might also suggest…Emmett, son you need to pay attention to me," Carlisle interrupted my thoughts again. "I suggest you maybe take it slow like I did with Esme on our honeymoon. She had her own trauma to deal with…"

"Whoa Pops, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait…I can't sit here and listen to you tell me how you … I mean you and mom … that's not… okay gimme me a minute, my brain's hurtin'."

_**I had to pull some thoughts together before I had to sit and listen to my father talk about him and mom's private sex life. **_

"Your private moments with our mom are not something we need to talk about Pops. That's actually kinda yucky and embarrassing when you think about it. I mean, we all know you two do it and all, but we don't wanna think about it or get details. No. Definitely; no details. Please," I begged glad I could no longer blush.

"Emmett, your mother is fully aware of my intended conversation concerning this and we both feel that sharing this information is important enough for Rosalie's sake," Carlisle explained carefully. "See, what you need to understand is that underneath the tough as nails façade she is very shy and hesitant to try things without encouragement."

_**Shy! Hesitant! Rosie's idea of light petting is us naked and kissing every part of our anatomy vigorously. She loves to watch me get loose and relishes her little game of how often and how fast she can do it repeatedly. Damn that girl is good at it too. And as far as encouragement, let's see. How would Pops feel if I told him his 'Princess" tied me up on her little pink bed and sat on my face and demanded I make her finish as fast as I can just to see if I could meet her challenge and she TIMED ME!**_

"Emmett, Emmett. Focus son."

_**Once again he was forced to interrupt my wandering mind. This was truly a two sided conversation; two sides of a coin. One side was what her daddy saw and believed to be true and the other side was what I knew was actually happening and never the two shall meet. **_

"We are talking about Rosalie, your marriage, honeymoon. Would you feel more comfortable talking with your mom about this? I could call Esme and she is more than willing to talk to you.

"NO!" I mean…I appreciate it Pops, but that's not necessary. I just think maybe I am… I just want… Okay, Pops I don't know what I was gonna say but talking to Mom is not one of the things I am sure."

"Look let me be frank. Just take her slow, gently," Carlisle instructed much to my embarrassment. "Be sweet to her so she can see that there is nothing to fear. The human body can withstand a lot and our vampire bodies can stand even more than that."

"_**Harder, Emmett! Honestly, pound into me; make me scream. I thought you fought with bears! Is this the best you can do? I want to scream your name …"**_

"Emmett, where do you keep going? What on earth is on your mind? Maybe I should wait until Edward gets back from his hunt to talk so I can be sure you are hearing me."

"No need for that Pops. Eddie would probably pop a head gasket if he knew my thoughts right now. Ah look Carlisle… ah Pops, I need a moment to think and I really don't need little Eddie in my head at this moment. May I be excused for now? I feel the need for some cave exploration and bear hunting to prepare for my upcoming events," I explained, hoping he would buy it.

_**I refused to tell him about Rose's fantasy about the bear skinned rug that I would kill just for her. I just left as soon as he said it was okay.**_

**A/N: There you go. My Emmett chapter took sooooooo long due to a lot of changes going on in my life right now. I've had to deal with writer's block, job hunting, both children birthdays, end of the year school activities, and even a loss in my family. I have actually started another chapter suggested by TeamEdward17 where Carlisle talks to Jacob for Edward. So hit that little review button and let me know what you think of the Emmett talk. Hey! I am waiting. Come on you know you want to. I want you to. **

**Thank you to my wonderful beta and most excellent writer Totteacher who is penning one of the best pieces of fan fiction I have ever read. If you haven't checked it out, please read "Unexpected Awakenings" it is off da chain as Emmett would say.**


	5. Been There, Done That

_A/N: I know this is short but it came to me this morning and I had to put it out there. The Jacob chapter will be coming up by Monday or Tuesday of next week. Sorry Totteacher (my wonderful Beta), for posting this without your input. Hopefully I won't embarrass you too much. That being said any mistakes you see are mine but the story characters still belong to Stephanie M._

**Been There Done That!**

"Dad, it's a TRADITION!" I insisted. "You have done it for all of us before each of our weddings and it's something that you can handle so tactfully compared to the rest of us. You _don't_ want me to do it. I want to kill him just for thinking about it. Jasper will not be able to handle the emotions coming off of that boy and Emmett will just challenge him to a wrestling match and forget about the whole conversation. So it is up to you to handle the talk with Jacob."

"Edward," Carlisle interceded, "are you sure this isn't some kind of torture you have cooked up for your future son-in-law?"

"Even _if_ it were, it still needs to be done. Look at it from a medical perspective," I countered. "Your half vampire /half human granddaughter will become sexually active and possibly pregnant by a shape shifter/werewolf sometime in the future. Who better to discuss the ramifications and precautions better than you?"

"Well, if you put it that way, you certainly have a valid point Edward," Carlisle mused thoughtfully. "I certainly thought I was done with these little talks when I sat down with my baby boy's wedding, but I guess I was wrong."

"Aw, come on Dad!" I pleaded. "Would you cut that out? Bella has _our _hearing now. What if she hears you calling me your baby; or your little boy? I'm a grown man now, Dad."

"Yes, son you have certainly matured in the past seven years," he conceded thoughtfully. "I am glad to know the sexual conversation between you and I worked out so well that it gave me my most precious granddaughter."

"I didn't say I wanted…Dad!" I stopped to think for a minute. "I am not sure if I should even let this wedding take place let alone allow a sex talk with Jacob about my little girl. Maybe I should just kill him."

"And break both your girls' hearts?" Carlisle smirked at me. My dad actually smirked. I didn't even know he could smirk. I thought that was only my thing. "You'd be taking away your daughter's imprint leaving her without the love of her existence." I gave him my 'and this bothers me because' looks.

"And," Carlisle continued, "You would never be able to have sex again. And as much as you and your wife like to have a little bump and grind every day, I don't think you want to go that route."

"Dad, Bella and I don't…I mean…WE ARE MARRIED!" I couldn't believe my father could still embarrass me this way.

"Well, I might as well get it over with as soon as possible," Carlisle continued. I heard him chuckle enjoying my obvious uncomfortable reactions. "Send Jacob in to talk to me when he and Nessie get back from their walk."

"Sure Dad. And thanks for helping out this way," I said recovering from my embarrassment as I got up to leave. "I am sure my little girl would appreciate her grandpa handling this delicate conversation more so than her father."

"No problem son. I'll do anything for our little Princess. Send Jake to me when they return. Carlisle stopped me as I my hand reached for the doorknob; "And Edward?"

"Yes Dad?"

"I would like to talk to my future grandson in _private_, please," he stated firmly.

I winced, "Sure Dad, I understand."

"Well, what did he say?" asked Emmett and Jasper simultaneously. Since I was the mind reader they had to wait for me to answer. Jasper could read my emotions but it wasn't telling him much since I had just left Carlisle's office.

I smiled my own mischievous smirk as Bella often called it, "He's going to do it of course. You know he is not going to pass up a chance to protect his granddaughter."

"Whoo-hoo! I would like to be a fly on that wall! Come on Eddie, you gotta listen, please. Pops won't know," pleaded Emmett shamelessly with Jazz in the background egging him on.

"Emmett, he specifically asked me for privacy. I can't go back on my word to Carlisle. I respect him too much for that. Besides, we'll get to see the aftermath and that will be just as much fun," I remarked imaginging the horrible embarassment he was about to endure per my father.

"Jasper, why don't you hang around and see how he _feels_," Emmett suggested to my brother. "That could at least give us some insight as to how the boy would be reacting to all this."

"Naw, I ain't touchin' that one, Emmett," Jasper drawled in his born and bred Texas accent. "That boy's emotions will be so far all over the place, I might actually hurl for real this time."

"Chicken," Emmett taunted.

"Like I keh what you think. Hey, we all done been there, done that," he continued. "Let the boy have his own private moment with our daddy."

"Yes, Pops will set him straight alright," Emmett added. "As a matter of fact Eddie you might not want to hear any of this anyway. After all, they will be discussing that mutt having sex with _your _daughter," I hissed at my buffoon of a brother and his penchant for stating the obvious.

"What father would _want _to hear that anyway?" he continued thoughtfully. We all looked at each other and answered simultaneously, **"Carlisle!"**

**Okay, hit the button and encourage me to continue. I dare you. You won't believe the conversation coming up. Please review. This is the last chapter coming up. Grandpa and Little Jake or Boy Don't Say Much.**


	6. Boy Dont Say Much

_**A/N: Hey all. Here we go with the last chapter. Carlisle has one more conversation to go through; and then he can rest assured he has done his duties as a father, a coven leader, and even a grandfather. Look at the first letter in each word of the title to see what most of their discussion is about.**_

**Boy Don't Say Much**

**CARLISLE POV**

"Jacob, I want to talk to you for a moment son," I stated at the top of the stairs as Jacob and Nessie came into the living room. I heard Edward when he told them to come inside to see me.

"What did you do?" asked Nessie hurriedly. She was afraid they were in some kind of trouble again; not uncommon for those two.

"Nothing baby, honestly," Jacob answered back. "At least I don't think I've done anything."

"Nothing is wrong," I assured them. "I just want to have a little heart to heart and maybe to answer any questions Jacob may have on some things."

"Okay," he replied. "But I don't have any questions that I can think of." He gave Nessie a kiss on the cheek and headed up the stairs two at a time.

"Let's just go into my office and discuss this." I prompted pointing the way.

"Sure, sure no problem, Doc," Jacob replied as he followed me inside. As soon as he closed the door, he stared without hesitation. "Hey Doc, I can appreciate the fact you want to talk to me 'cause I got some questions about some things myself."

"Certainly Jacob," I replied, "I would love to answer your questions, son."

"Some of it might seem kinda weird, Doc," he continued. "I mean I'm just curious 'cause I been having these dreams and I don't know what to do or who to talk to about them."

"I am sure you can talk to me about anything with confidence that it goes no further Jacob," I answered. "After all you are about to become my grandson."

"We can discuss anything Doc, really?"

_I looked at him as the obvious anticipation crossed his features. He did have some things to discuss and the poor lad was probably chomping at the bit to have an adult to confide in without repercussions. I could help him out with that._

"Yes, anything Jacob," I smiled reassuringly. "It occurs to me that you started phasing at 16 and technically, you are still at that age as long as you continue to change, so I am sure there are some… uncertainties you may have. So be at ease and ask me your first question."

"Gosh I don't know where to start," he began tentatively. "I know I want to submit myself fully to Nessie. I spend so much time taking care of all this wolf stuff as a second alpha that it will be good to just relinquish the controls at home."

"That's actually very well thought out Jacob," I commended him. "Most people don't realize the necessity to let go of the reins sometimes and let someone else take over for a change."

"Yeah, well I can tell Nessie can handle this, see," he smiled brightly at that thought. "We ain't done nothing yet but she got some skills already. And when I get out of hand, or forget my place, Nessie sets me straight right away. She don't let you get away with nothing and that girl can make me suffer and I make sure she is happy."

"You know self sacrifice is often misjudged as a weakness but I am a strong proponent of the thoughts that we can relinquish ourselves to our other halves and still feel safe and secure in their love," I countered smiling at the thoughtfulness of this child and how wise he seems to have developed. I guess imprinting tends to have a profound effect on a person.

"Yeah, you feel me doc," Jacob responded excitedly as I nodded in agreement, "like I keep having this dream of me being spanked on my bare bottom by Nessie while she is wearing a sexy, red, see through, lace teddy. Then she goes for a whip and…I always wake up before she decides..."

"Aaahhhhh, Jacob," I interrupted quickly, "I am not sure if…"

"Has Esme ever used a whip on you?" he looked at me honestly expecting an answer...my mind blanked?

"Pardon?" I was dumfounded; which in itself considering my 300 plus years is difficult to do.

"Which is it: cat 'o nine tails, single tail whip; or a riding crop?" he continued his questioning without thought. "Personally I think I'd like the single tail because the line it makes seems to last a lot longer. It is really cool that Nessie has the strength to inflict the necessary force to get a rise out of me. "

"Jacob sometimes personal preferences …." Idecided to change to a different tactic.

"No, no, no, Doc. It's okay," he interrupted my thoughts. "We think you would know what to do with this info. It's not like Nessie and I can go talk to her mom and dad. Yeesh, picture me dead when he hears I took her over my lap for some luv taps that made her ass blush pink." I suddenly cocked my head to the side and listened. I heard a distant growl and what sounded like two of my boys dragging another boy away. Hmmm.

"Jacob," I registered what he was saying to me, much to my chagrin. "Wait a minute are you trying to tell me…"

"Oh wait, that was just an experiment; a role reversal if you know what I mean," he hurriedly explained. "It is a definite that Nessie is the Dom and I am the sub. We play around sometimes switching roles but she rules."

"How much do you know about this … lifestyle?" I asked hesitantly. "Have you talked to Renesmee about all the ramifications of participating in such a different pattern of behavior?" I continued glad that I was not able to blush at some of the stuff I was hearing. I tried to approach this discussion with a level head, if he insisted on sharing this information; I would have to try to handle it professionally.

_I am a doctor; a coven leader; Good Lord, I'm a vampire! This should not be such an uncomfortable conversation. When did the roles get reversed? I needed to regain control of this conversation._

"What happens when the novelty of this experimentation wears off?"I prompted. "Are you two going to be able to move on past that?"

"We like the scene or role playing, Doc. Is this wrong? Are we like different because of this?" Jacob seemed frightened at my apparent disapproval. "I was kinda scared of these thoughts until one day we were kissing and she grabbed my hair and yanked it and demanded I kiss her harder," He reminisced licking his lips as he recalled the experience. "I was trying to be sarcastic when I said 'Yes, Mistress' but her arousal spiked and I could smell her pant…"

"Jacob! Let's not share too much of a personal nature concerning my granddaughter if you don't mind." I hissed almost leaping out of my chair.

"Oh sorry sir," he hung his head at his obvious mistake. Then he came up with another question. "How fast would it take Nessie to heal if she got any bruising? We were worried because her mom might see it and if she does, then she will tell Edward and then it will be bad for both of us."

"What was bruised Jacob?" I asked not really sure if I wanted to know.

"Well she kinda took a pair of Charlie's spare handcuffs and we were role playing in the car and we had to get loose in a hurry but she forgot …." He began to explain, but I interrupted.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, you are sure you and Nessie haven't consummated your relationship?" I asked nervously, not sure of what answer to expect.

"Naw, Doc we aint even did it yet and I get the blue balls just thinking about it. However Nessie is thinking about going down on me but I said not yet, but I did…."

I interrupted his rambling, "Ah yeah, let's not go there either."

He looks up realizing this may not be the proper thing to discuss so he moved on. "Okay here's an easy question for you Doc? She wants to get me a present and says I have to choose but I'm not sure if it is some type of test or just a choice for me to make," he said, gratefully changing the topic.

"What do you have to choose from?" I questioned, happy to change the subject from my grandchild's intimate encounters.

"She likes this silver choke collar used for like dog training and she also like the spiked dog collar. I absolutely refused to wear the rhinestone one, unless of course she commands me to," he explained much to my chagrin, again. So much for him, changing the topic…

"When exactly would you be wearing this collar, Jacob?" I asked.

" Just when we are together in our scenes; I am her sub and she would be my Dom. Did I tell you she is already good at this?" He bragged with a grin. I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration.

"Doc, can I ask you another question?" Jacob interrupted my self-pitying; looking at me intently. "Actually I have two."

"Okaaay, I'll do the best I can to answer, Jacob. Go ahead."

"Sure, sure. First I want to buy her a wedding present that's just from me," he started.

"That sounds like a good idea," I commented. Now this was a conversation I could handle with ease, buying something for one of my girls. "Did you have something in mind?"

"Yeah, I saw this outfit that she would like," he smiled at the remembered couture.

I smiled in return. Finally a normal problem I can help with. "Now that's something you probably can't go wrong with. Nessie is like Alice where clothes are concerned."

"Well I saw this black leather bustier with pink ribbons and I immediately thought of her. You know, tough yet feminine. I just can't decide whether to go with the leather pants or a hot rocking micro-mini skirt. And you gotta have boots doc. Oooo, I imagine leather boots up to the thigh with studs on them and stiletto heels with maybe some cutouts. Yeah…that would be real nice," he moaned in anticipation.

"JACOB!" I retorted angrily.

"Huh?" he replied confused at my outburst.

"You do realize this is my granddaughter you are talking about!" I growled angrily.

"Well yeah," he replied giving me one of Rosalie's signature, 'well duh' looks. "You said you wanted to talk about our honeymoon plans; Right? Well Nessie and I already talked about what we want to do and all, I just need some help making some decisions."

_I calmed down in that he was right. I did ask him here to discuss their plans. I had to accept that perhaps they had some different desires._

"Obviously, you two have worked through your apparent… desires and have an idea of how to make each other happy, although I cannot pretend to understand these activities, if they are consensual choices between the two of you then who am I to get in the way of your happiness," There; I felt like I pulled that off nicely.

"Thanks doc. I appreciate that," he appeared grateful for my understanding. "Anything else for me?"

"Have you considered what you will do for birth control? In case you haven't discussed it, you two…" before I could offer any advice he cut me off again.

"Oh no, Doc we talked about this too and we decided we are not going to use any. As a matter of fact, we fully intend to come back pregnant. Time is of the essence for Nessie and me as far as children are concerned and we don't want to miss the opportunity by waiting too long," he replied before continuing. I seem to be at a loss for words, but that didn't stop him. "Plus with her being the Dom, the pain is only going to be on my end as the Sub so there should be no harm to any child we may conceive. And Nessie wants to come straight back here to her grandpa for any examinations and treatments," he finished.

"Well Jacob, you two really seem to have spent some quality time discussing important details," I stated attempting to bring this uncomfortable conversation to a close.

"That's for sure Doc. Nessie says you can't live in the Cullen household without learning to be prepared for everything. You can be proud of her Doc," he boasted proud himself.

"Oh I am, Jacob. I truly am. I take it her parents are not aware of your …appetites?" I asked.

"Well hell no! We're not sure who would react worse, her dad, Edward or her mom, Bella. And you know somehow Edward would blame this on me." he explained with a grin.

I nodded agreeing with him wholeheartedly. "I guess I see your point…" I stammered, not sure where to take this conversation now. "I am going to ah... let you and my granddaughter work out the …I think you two already have a plan to…Just let me know if there is something I can help you with."

"Sure, sure Doc. I 'm gonna head out okay? I got to get to a meeting with Sam and his pack," he replied.

"That will be fine," said, relieved that this talk was over.

"Ah, Doc? I forgot to ask my second question…" he interjected suddenly.

"What Jacob? You can ask me anything," I answered cautiously.

He hesitated but then decided to go on with it. "What do you know about butt plugs?"

"OUT!" 

_**A/N: Well there you have it. Hit that little button and let me know if I tickled your funny bone one last time. Thank you to my loyal readers and reviewers. Thank you to my absolutely wonderful Beta, Totteacher and my friends that help me get past my writers block.**_


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